I do SEO for a living.
I started this blog with little to no knowledge of SEO and then because of it, and the experiences that blogging brought I ended up getting clients, and then eventually taking on a full time role doing online strategy marketing and SEO for a construction management company.
Some would call that ironic but most would agree that it is just hard work and good fortune. Alanis Morissette of course would definitely call it ironic, but then she thinks everything is ironic… don’t you think. 
Yes there is a point to this, so bear with me… because I am going to reveal to you what it really genuinely and actually (actually) takes to rank high in the search engines. This is the software that I use day in and day out to help get my sites ranked in Google, it is also the same software used in 99% of SEO firms around the globe and its power only INCREASED with the recent Panda and Penguin updates.
“Wow” I hear you say – and I totally don’t blame you because this sort of information does not come along very often, and I am giving it to you absolutely free…
(Just click this link: XXX.hop.click.affiliate.gimme-gimme.mo-money.nownow.dot.con)
Software that Guarantees You Will Rank High in Google!
Without further ado I give you…
Microsoft Word. (or you can just use Notepad… or Wordpad… but mainly Microsoft Worrrrrrrrrrrd (yeah!!)
-why do I get the feeling like I’m the only one excited right now?
Looking for Actual SEO Software to Help you Rank in Google?
Well then you’re an idiot.
This post was titled as such for a reason, because I wanted to provide two different lessons here;
- That Content really and truly is the KING of the internet and every single SEO strategy that is employed centers around what that content should be and where that content should go – plain and simple.
- That the software designed to help you in your SEO campaigns is not only a waste of time, money and space it is also only going to hurt your SEO efforts in the long run.
That is all for today’s lesson, tomorrow we will discuss Nicki Minaj and how much she sounds like a homeless guy screaming at a pigeon.
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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
You’re absolutely hilarious, Alex. Good to have you back.
My favorite line from this post: “Looking for actual SEO software to help you rank in Google? Well then you’re an idiot.”
Second favorite line: “…tomorrow we will discuss Nicki Minaj and how much she sounds like a homeless guy screaming at a pigeon.”
Moe
P.S. See you in Bali.
ha! It’s good to be back mate – definitely having some more fun with it this time around. It’s fun when you’ve got it figured out. (finally – took my bloody time though! lol)
Great post loved it, humor and all! Glad you can put humor into your posts and still get your point across. I have never tried any “program” or “software” to up my rankings and know that content is key, as is honesty. Thanks again, I got a good chuckle out of it.
haha thanks Ron
can you tell me any plugin which will help me best..?
for my worpress acc..!
Hi Alex, excellent post, short, sweet and straight to the point.:-)
Hey Andi, yeah that’s how I roll man.
LOL, thanks for the share mate, oh and very nice Facebook group you got there mate – you really set the bar with your level of engagement there. Respect
Where can I get Microsoft Word?
Does it run on PC’s and Mac’s?
Is there a special SEO edition?
Any help you can provide in this matter would be greatly appreciated!
Sincerely,
Jupiter Jim
bahahahahaahahahahaha! Nice Jim!
(I’m still laughing)
hi Alex
What a good way to reinforce the very fact that “Content is king”…
Thanks Shitij
Reading the title of your post made me think, “What kind of software that might be to get you to the page rank you have desired for”. Nice title. But truth can’t be overrated; you are right, MS Word and your writing skills are the only source to get the desired Google rank. Thanks for sharing this realistic post with us! I enjoyed reading it.
Lol I became happy when I read the title & even more happy when I read the conclusion. Yes, content is the king & these short cuts really effect the long run. Good tricky post, thanks for sharing & I love MS word ).
Impressive headline! Yes very true you said, there are no shortcut tools. Content quality matters the most, write guest posts for other blogs, learn the basics of SEO & Do Some Link Building Activities.
Hey nice trick! & very true, Quality content & SEO Stratergies will make you run in the blogosphere. Nicki Minaj Homeless guy lol, Yes I’m waiting for that.
Nice Post! I absolutely agree that content is the King. Being a SEO isn’t easy because you have to think of marketing strategies that would boost the awareness of some products. And it surely needs a lot of creativity. The tips and software you have mentioned are very good. They are very helpful. Thank you for this information. I’m hoping to see more interesting articles from you.
Excellent post, short, sweet and straight to the point.:-)
Nice post Alex. At one moment I was excited to know that a software exists to achieve higher rankings but the very next sentence shattered my hopes because it is logical enough that CONTENT RULES. hence we should focus on delivering high quality content which will help us to get a leap with our rankings.
Hey Muise, I have very little knowledge about SEO work. Will try this one.
Nice you definitely got my attention with the title, but there is no easy way out. You have to put in the work to see your rankings improve!
Well then you’re hilarious.
It’s true though.
Someone has to say it.
Excel is my favorite seo software but I do recommend using an SEO plugin.
Content is the king! As you said, softwares can help you organize your work but there is no “magic” tool to get you 1st. People should realise that and stop wasting their time and money in “seo killer” softwares.
Kostas.
Alex you are the man! I really admire your witty post and you really made me laugh. And i have to agree with you that Content Quality matters the most in SEO! I will definitely check out your next post about the Nicki Minaj thing.
This is one of the best blogs I’ve read about blogging. Your step by step approach is truly a great guide to becoming a good blogger. Thanks for the well presented article.
No worries, now which article were you reading again?
This is a very clever and hilarious post Alex! I agree, quality content remains as the best technique in ranking in search engine.
Content is always considered the KING but having a clean and ideal theme can also add to the exposure of the blog. Somehow, this article of yours made me realize of the flaws that my blog has. I definitely need some changes on my blog.
What a ludicrous article! A friend of mine who is also into SEO will surely like this haha. He has been using different SEO software for years now and i might recommend this one lol. Thanks man!
Alex your posts are really hilarious. Content matters a lot in SEO. Keep up the good work.
I have to say that your post was trully funny:))) I couldn’t agree more that there’s no software that can guarantee #1 in Google and content is in fact king!
Nice precise and too the point writeup…Agreed to your point No-one can guarantee first position as the algorithms are too tough to nailed by software’s..only thing which you can do is deploy links equally and make it look natural to search engine along with original and quality content ..Cheers
Although I do agree with you on the overall point, tools and software (if used correctly) can actually help you by making your job easier and faster.
But of course, no one “SEO Software” is going to magically rank you on Google. Thanks Alex.
One of a kind post! At one moment you really made me believe that there is indeed a kind of software that exists to achieve higher rankings haha. But i have to agree with you..Content is the KING! that is a #FACT
I have to admit I was actually curious about what software you were going to reveal, Alex. Your point is spot on: even though Penguin was ONE YEAR ago people still cling to spammy links like it’s 2010. Too bad Microsoft Word doesn’t have an affiliate program
.